The Pandemic sure jacked everything up. Am I right? My fam is trying to get into a new groove, routine, new normal, all that. I was naive in thinking it would eventually just stop and things would go back to the old normal. Lol. We’ve been really fortunate through this mess, so I truly can’t complain. Yet, each individual has their own struggles, whether they choose to share them with the world or mask them. Every damn person struggles. I think it’s important and helpful to share those challenges with each other. To help provide perspective. Help people not feel so alone. Loneliness is a deep, dark, wicked, lil bitch of an emotion. And it can get pretty MF lonely when your swimming in the deep. Cornteen style. And shore still seems so far, although you’ve been treading for so long you’re beginning to wonder what it’d be like to stop. Just stop. But if you stop you drown…so sink or swim it is.
As mentioned, I feel very fortunate for the position both myself personally (taking time off teaching) and my lil trio as a whole. But, my hubs flies internationally for his job and was scheduled to go to Taipei via Japan or something. You know, when all the countries were closing their borders. Whew, did I get a lil hot blooded Italian on his ass. I knew it wasn’t his fault, and there was still sooo much uncertainty at the beginning. Anyway, my anxiety was legit raising the roof. Tuning into the news was just mind blowing. Our President. I mean. He sure dropped the fucking ball huh? I actually made a valid (kinda) effort not to hate him as much at the beginning of this pandemic. I wanted the country to unite, get through this together. But nah. His continued mishandling of Covid-19 and the Black Lives Matter movement have been completely unacceptable, and tragically divisive. Like Whoa. 😳 So I’m back to thinking I’m watching a SNL skit every time Trump opens his mouth. Trying to figure out what good he has done for this country and how on God’s green earth he still has support. Honestly, I don’t even hate on him for not being articulate. I too, stumble upon words when speaking or explaining things. Writing has always been my best form of communication. But he doesn’t even know what he is trying to say. Like write notes Dude. You’re the MF president. Do some prep work. Jesus. He legit doesn’t even know American history. “Stunningly uninformed and unwilling to learn”, a quote by John Bolton, a devote Conservative and Republican with years of White House experience mind you, used to describe Trump in his recent book. Yep. Sit on that for a few. The list goes on and I won’t make this all about that (I might) but he sucks at his job. And his job is running our country. Seriously. SOS. If you do still support Trump after all of this, I strongly encourage you to reflect on the reasons. Please. As old and as White as he may be, Joe Biden is a Rockstar compared to Trump. Think of the qualities you hate about Joe Biden, then compared those same qualities to Trump… Because the bar is set pretty low morally. And ethically. And don’t come at me with Joe Biden is creepy and touches women inappropriately because again…Trump. If you’re not bothered by the 25 or so accounts of sexual harassment/assault then you have NO angle here. Next? Biden is old and senile? Trump is uneducated, uninformed, and arrogant to boot. He’s a bully who rules our country by instilling fear. He denies science and has ruined our relationship with the World Health Organization. Because he is a power hungry toddler with a superiority complex. And a possible sociopath. For reals. Next? Trump’s a good Christian. LMFAO. If you can look me dead in the eye and say that man is a good Christian after reading and HEARING the vulgarities he says about women, different ethnicities, and people in general who don’t agree with him, or how he mocks disabled people, then Boo, I question your moral code. And ya church’s. Plus lying is a sin and he’s been lying bout them taxes for awhile now huh? You hate freeloaders you should be hating him right now. Maybe you’ve never voted Democrat and you’re scared Biden is going to take all of your hard earned money? He’s not. And again, I question your moral code. “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” -JFK 💙
Anyway… 😬 Pre-pandemic I was getting my ducks in row to start a photo biz (longtime dream of mine), many trips were planned with friends and fam for the summer. Family and friends I rarely get to hang with giving they live on the opposite side of the country. Lame. Also, I was really starting to find myself in Motherhood. I know she’s 3 and you’re like what took you so long? But a lot of intense life moments happened simultaneously, her birth being one of them. But I was catching the balance of having a personal identity and still giving my babe the best of my time and attention. Then it was ripped away like a week(s) old bandaide. Ouch. My mental health…ouch. Worrying about my husband flying, my fam; my middle sister lives in NYC, the OG epicenter, my older sister works in healthcare and homeschooling two kids with her husband, my mom and Gram live by themselves, my husband’s fam has just as many levels of worry. Everyone. Everything. Then of course the politics of our time led by our “stunningly uninformed and unwilling to learn” cheese puff President. (The quote is worth the repeat 🙂 The Black Lives Matter Movement and all of the racism and heart break that has been pushed forefront. The MF opioid epidemic that’s consuming my hometown area in Northeast Ohio. I’ve lost several classmates over the last few years, SEVERAL. One very dear to my soul. But since quarantine has started and people are home without jobs, home, anxious, depressed, the deaths are becoming more frequent. Much too frequent. It’s a lot. And this is all coming from one person in one household. Think about everyone’s collective stress about the world and then all their personal ish. I mean…It’s A LOT. And don’t ever feel weak for feeling like it’s a lot. Because it is and it’s ROUGH. It’s become ever aware to me how important it is to show up for people in your life. They may refuse you at first. Keep showing up. It’s ok to take a break if it’s affecting your mental health. Just always find your way back.
So now my husband is back to work full time after a 3 month furlough. Our daughter is 3 years old. She is a sassy, social, smart, loving lil Bubby Butt. But man, girlfriend is EXHAUSTING. Terrible Two doesn’t hold a damn candle to a THREENAGER. Daycare is gone. That 4 hour chunk of time, 3 days a week that I got to spend working on photos and writing, Peace Out. We don’t live close to our families, so ain’t no drop offs at Nanas’ or Paps’. Naps have ceased. FML. Our daughter in a big girl bed now, so we’ve been introduced to the ever exciting mid-night wake ups. Smell ya later early morning wakes pre-fam with warm coffee. I know, I know, we were spoiled with sleep compared to most new parents but damn. Turns out sleep is essential. Who knew? But this is my new challenge. I must adapt. Sink or swim. Again, I say this in no way to complain, but to show that everyone is still in the deep. We’re going back to work, we’re wearing masks, we’re being socially distant, but it’s still HARD. But that doesn’t mean the light is burned out, just dimmed.
We’ll get through this as a country. Gotta believe that. First and foremost VOTE. Then reflect on how you can create or have meaningful discourse about the Black Lives Matter movement. I admit, I can be a bit verbally volatile when it comes to things I’m passionate about, but it’s important to listen, to empathize, understand. Knowledge is growth and perspective is EVERYTHING. Don’t be afraid of change. Change is good. And essential. And inevitable. It means we’re evolving. My forever mantra; “nothing is permanent but impermanence.”
Some things that have helped me channel positive energy through these negative times:
Journaling- I’ve kept a visual journal for years now and it’s very therapeutic, especially for those who find it hard to talk about their emotions with others. Being more open and able to communicate my needs to my husband. It’s an on-going battle, we are almost polar opposite. But practice makes perfect…well practice makes better. Perfection is an illusion.
Learning how to be an ally for the BLM movement- Don’t be offended by terms like “white privilege” or “systematic racism.” Take some time to understand and reflect. See things from another point of view. Challenge yourself. This is history in the making friends. Be on the right side.
Taking time to do what truly makes my soul happy- For me it’s photography or other creative work. Oh and editing my music playlists.
Doing kind things for people- I truly believe small acts of kindness can help change the world. Call me idealist. You never know what people hold on to. Something as little as a kind gesture or smile may just turns someone’s day around.
And last but def not least; having a schedule with my fam (as much as I can with a traveling, on-call hubs)- It’s hard. But it will forever pay off in the end. Because we’re not there yet. And kids need structure and routine to thrive. Yes they can survive without one. But they thrive with one.
Thanks for reading ☺️ I’d love to hear from you! Questions, stories, jokes, anything. Hit me up 🥰